英语习作评析

　　　　一、习作要求

　　　　假如你叫婷婷，下面是你收到的你祖母从加拿大寄来的信。请你根据来信的内容写一封回信。

　　　　September 12， 2003

　　　　Dear Ting Ting，

　　　　I had a letter from your mother a few days ago， but she didn't give me much news about you.

　　　　She said you went on an ecology summer camp. When I heard that you had seen a snake， I was worried. I hope someone killed it！

　　　　I was sorry to hear that you had hurt your knee. How did that happen？ I hope it is better now.

　　　　I know your birthday is coming soon， so I am enclosing a check for you. Write soon and tell me what you decide to do with the money. I want you to spend it on something nice.

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Grandma

　　　　注意：

　　　　1. 词数： 120 左右；

　　　　2. 参考词汇：生态学 ecology .

　　　　二、学生习作：

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did saw （ 1 ） a snake. Five of the boys let it out （ 2 ） . I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. In that afternoon （ 3 ） ， after I returned back （ 4 ） to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and getting （ 5 ） better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to cost （ 6 ） the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it observing （ 7 ） natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　三、习作点评：

　　　　1. 优点：习作者能准确运用书信格式，文中人称、动词时态使用正确。作者能根据来信中所涉及的主要问题，全面地表达了回信的主题内容。该习作语言表达较为流畅，作者能尽量运用英语课本中所学过一些句式、短语进行表达，如 Thank you for ， It was really kind of you to do ， We did see ， spend the money you sent me 等，是一篇较好的习作。

　　　　2. 不足之处：（ 1 ）该篇习作也出现了一些语法、词句及意义表达方面的错误，具体表现在：（ 1 ） saw 改为 see .这是一种陈述句结构的强调形式，在这种句型结构中，用了助动词 do /does /did 以后，原来的动词形式要改为原形。又如： He does often come to see us. （他确实常来看我们。） We did go to the party last night. （我们昨天晚上确实去参加了晚会。）（ 2 ） let it out 改为 drove it away . let out 意为放掉、泄露， drive away 意为赶走。（ 3 ） In that afternoon 改为 That afternoon .在 this， that ， every， next， last 等所限定的时间名词前常不用介词。（ 4 ） returned back 改为 turned back 或去掉 back .（ 5 ）在 getting 前加上 it is .此处 getting 与前面 was not serious 不为并列动词时态，而是强调现在，应用现在时。（ 6 ） cost 改为 spend .当句中主语为某人时，常表达为 sb. spend money / time on sth. / in doing sth. 表示某人花钱或时间干什么注意 cost 的主语一般为某物。（ 7 ） observing 改为 to observe .该动词由句中 use 决定其结构，构成 use sth. to do sth 用来干。（ 2 ）该习作语言句式的表达稍有些简单，如作者能将该习作的某些句子加以调整，运用一些较高级的句子，再在某些句子之间加上一些过渡语来加以润色，效果会更好。如在文中 Five of the boys 前可加上一个过渡性的词语 Fortunately ， five of the boys ；文章的最后一段 I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it 这两个句子可合并成一个非限制性定语从句； on a telescope， which I can use to observe ，这样，将会使整个文章更具有连贯性、得体性和可读性。

　　　　四、修改后的习作

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did see a snake. Five of the boys drove it away. I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. That afternoon， after I returned to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and it's getting better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it to observe natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　五、习作训练：

　　　　下面是某中学生英语报刊登的一封读者来信，请你以编辑的身份给这位中学生写封回信。

　　　　Dear Editor，

　　　　I spend most of my time studying. I hardly talk to my classmates. Sometimes I think I am not so concerned about others， but there are times that I do want to talk. I just don't know what to talk about and how to begin a conversation.

　　　　I feel so lonely. How I wish I had a good friend！

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Jinjing

　　　　回信的内容应包括以下要点：

　　　　1. 要相信自己。你最大的问题是缺乏自信。

　　　　2. 对同学面带微笑，使他们相信你是友好的。

　　　　3. 先试着和一个与你同样害羞的或与你有同样爱好的同学谈话。

　　　　4. 可以向同学问一些学习上的问题，谈谈共同的爱好。

　　英语习作评析

　　　　一、习作要求

　　　　假如你叫婷婷，下面是你收到的你祖母从加拿大寄来的信。请你根据来信的内容写一封回信。

　　　　September 12， 2003

　　　　Dear Ting Ting，

　　　　I had a letter from your mother a few days ago， but she didn't give me much news about you.

　　　　She said you went on an ecology summer camp. When I heard that you had seen a snake， I was worried. I hope someone killed it！

　　　　I was sorry to hear that you had hurt your knee. How did that happen？ I hope it is better now.

　　　　I know your birthday is coming soon， so I am enclosing a check for you. Write soon and tell me what you decide to do with the money. I want you to spend it on something nice.

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Grandma

　　　　注意：

　　　　1. 词数： 120 左右；

　　　　2. 参考词汇：生态学 ecology .

　　　　二、学生习作：

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did saw （ 1 ） a snake. Five of the boys let it out （ 2 ） . I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. In that afternoon （ 3 ） ， after I returned back （ 4 ） to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and getting （ 5 ） better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to cost （ 6 ） the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it observing （ 7 ） natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　三、习作点评：

　　　　1. 优点：习作者能准确运用书信格式，文中人称、动词时态使用正确。作者能根据来信中所涉及的主要问题，全面地表达了回信的主题内容。该习作语言表达较为流畅，作者能尽量运用英语课本中所学过一些句式、短语进行表达，如 Thank you for ， It was really kind of you to do ， We did see ， spend the money you sent me 等，是一篇较好的习作。

　　　　2. 不足之处：（ 1 ）该篇习作也出现了一些语法、词句及意义表达方面的错误，具体表现在：（ 1 ） saw 改为 see .这是一种陈述句结构的强调形式，在这种句型结构中，用了助动词 do /does /did 以后，原来的动词形式要改为原形。又如： He does often come to see us. （他确实常来看我们。） We did go to the party last night. （我们昨天晚上确实去参加了晚会。）（ 2 ） let it out 改为 drove it away . let out 意为放掉、泄露， drive away 意为赶走。（ 3 ） In that afternoon 改为 That afternoon .在 this， that ， every， next， last 等所限定的时间名词前常不用介词。（ 4 ） returned back 改为 turned back 或去掉 back .（ 5 ）在 getting 前加上 it is .此处 getting 与前面 was not serious 不为并列动词时态，而是强调现在，应用现在时。（ 6 ） cost 改为 spend .当句中主语为某人时，常表达为 sb. spend money / time on sth. / in doing sth. 表示某人花钱或时间干什么注意 cost 的主语一般为某物。（ 7 ） observing 改为 to observe .该动词由句中 use 决定其结构，构成 use sth. to do sth 用来干。（ 2 ）该习作语言句式的表达稍有些简单，如作者能将该习作的某些句子加以调整，运用一些较高级的句子，再在某些句子之间加上一些过渡语来加以润色，效果会更好。如在文中 Five of the boys 前可加上一个过渡性的词语 Fortunately ， five of the boys ；文章的最后一段 I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it 这两个句子可合并成一个非限制性定语从句； on a telescope， which I can use to observe ，这样，将会使整个文章更具有连贯性、得体性和可读性。

　　　　四、修改后的习作

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did see a snake. Five of the boys drove it away. I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. That afternoon， after I returned to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and it's getting better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it to observe natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　五、习作训练：

　　　　下面是某中学生英语报刊登的一封读者来信，请你以编辑的身份给这位中学生写封回信。

　　　　Dear Editor，

　　　　I spend most of my time studying. I hardly talk to my classmates. Sometimes I think I am not so concerned about others， but there are times that I do want to talk. I just don't know what to talk about and how to begin a conversation.

　　　　I feel so lonely. How I wish I had a good friend！

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Jinjing

　　　　回信的内容应包括以下要点：

　　　　1. 要相信自己。你最大的问题是缺乏自信。

　　　　2. 对同学面带微笑，使他们相信你是友好的。

　　　　3. 先试着和一个与你同样害羞的或与你有同样爱好的同学谈话。

　　　　4. 可以向同学问一些学习上的问题，谈谈共同的爱好。